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Walguy's Lawa, A la Murphy
In the days before I learned to be an incurable optimist, I compiled a "Murphy's Law" collection of various 'laws' about various aspects of living. Some were fairly serious (TYLK'S LAW: Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups), others purely silly (LIEBERMAN'S LAW: Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens). In this extended process, I came up with a few of my own contributions to the Murphic group of laws.
Let me emphasize again that I've long since outgrown my preoccupation with these things, and am now a full-fledged optimist rather than a disciple of Murphy. There is, however, some legitimate basis for things having a tendency to go wrong. It lies in the curse pronounced by God in the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve sinned. One of the things God said then was: "...cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth to you..." (Genesis 3:17b-18a) So, what I believe is that the Murphy-type laws are an exaggeration of a real principle, rather than a paranoid flight of fancy; and thus, while I am an optimist, I am also a realist.
Without further philosophical ado, then, here are Walguy's contributions to the Murphic lore. Please note that I have included two of the classic laws that are NOT my creations (Murphy's and the Law of Selective Gravity) to give a point of reference for my original laws that are related to them.
MURPHY'S LAW
If anything can go wrong, it will.
WALGUY'S EXPANSION OF MURPHY'S LAW
Something can always go wrong.
WALGUY'S PARTIAL EXPLANATION OF MURPHY'S LAW
Inanimate objects are out to get us.
WALGUY'S OBSERVATION
Anything is possible if you don't want it to happen.
LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
An object will fall so as to do the greatest possible damage.
WALGUY'S COROLLARIES
1) An object that falls by itself will pick the worst possible moment to do so.
2) If you are trying to shake something off of something else, it will always come loose on the backswing.
WALGUY'S LAWS OF THE ROAD
1) There's always some jerk turning left.
COROLLARY
...sometimes it's you.
2) If you are waiting to turn left onto a two-lane street, the last oncoming car will turn right.
WALGUY'S LAW OF ORGANIZATION
A place for everything, and everything out of place.
WALGUY'S LAW OF CORRESPONDENCE
The more anxious you are to hear back from someone, the longer they will take to reply.
WALGUY'S TASK PRINCIPLE
Important things to do always arrive in groups of two or more.
WALGUY'S LAW OF TV SPORTS
If you are trying to keep track of two games by switching back and forth during commercials, both channels will run their commercials at the same time.
WALGUY'S UNIVERSAL SOLUTION
When in doubt, punch it out.
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